Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
