Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
