i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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