Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
