If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
