Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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