There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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