that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
