:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
