he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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