Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
