Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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