Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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