we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
