u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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