Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize