Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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