One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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