You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
