Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
