Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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