also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Randomize
