He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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