If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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