I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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