So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
