Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
