I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
