Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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