Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
