I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
