I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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