i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
