Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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