i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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