So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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