if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
