Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
