a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Come on in and take your pants off
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