im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
