Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
