I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
