a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize