you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
