apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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