i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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