All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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