I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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