somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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