Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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