Swine flu. Run for my life!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize