I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
