He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
