i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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