omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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