wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
