I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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