I hate your face
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
