A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
