just come out here and I will go home with you...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
