woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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