Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
