that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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