I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
