I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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