They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The power of my boobs compel you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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