then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
