I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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