I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
