K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
