this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
