omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
