this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
