uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
