The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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