I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize