somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
