Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
