I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
