worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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