Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
