I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
