you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
