Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
