everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
