well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
