dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently you make a good broom.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
