I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I smell stomach acid.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's shark week go big or go home
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
