So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
