I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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