My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
