I just pynch a tree in the face
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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