I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
