im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
